HI! MY NAME IS Adam O. I am a writer living in Minneapolis, MN. I am an average person, driven by a goal to always keep improving so that I LEAVE the world a LITTLE better than when i found iT.

America, the beautiful but often ridiculous.

A special post with a little levity on this Super Bowl Sunday in America--a day of great excess and celebration. Like you, I'll be watching the game, and the commercials. As we eat and drink and probably wake up with a stomach ache tomorrow, a quick calculation:

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell made $34 million in 2015. If his average poop takes 8 minutes*, at that rate, he gets paid $272 per minute to poop, or about $2,176 a poop. Say he poops 96 minutes every two weeks--12 poops or so if he eats his fiber. Now say about half of those poops are taken during regular work hours—6 poops x 8 minutes each = 48 minutes of pooping every two weeks x $272 per minute x 26 two week pay periods = $339,500 per year pooping. There are 124,800 minutes in the typical work year of 40 hours per week, which is 2,080 total hours.

Thanks to my friend Tony E for the chart. (Actual U.S. per poo is closer to $3.40 than 3.80--my bad.

Thanks to my friend Tony E for the chart. (Actual U.S. per poo is closer to $3.40 than 3.80--my bad.

Here’s the thing: Roger Goodell isn’t the highest paid person in America. Not even close. The 500 CEO’s at the 500 biggest companies in the U.S. last year had total compensation at $5.2 billion—more than $10 million each on average. (Forbes magazine). The top 10 of those all made significantly more than Goodell. 

Trump’s secretary pick Rex Tillerson got a $180 million buyout when he left Exxon to become Sec. of State. 

And he’s just one of 3 billionaires in Trump’s cabinet—and 10 millionaires. They are worth $4.5 billion total. In short, every time they collectively take a shit on us over the next 4 years, they’ll make more during their shit-taking just from the interest on their current wealth than you or I or the average dozen Americans will make during our entire working lives (about $11 million in shits over the next 4 years at 6% interest on $4.5 billion in wealth). 

Enjoy the game!

Bonus info:

The U.S. total yearly GDP is about $17 trillion. That’s about $53,000 per capita—for all persons. Babies, too. But babies don’t work! So, since there are millions of people under age 14 who aren’t working (then a bunch more age 15-22), and millions over age 65, and about 5% unemployed, the actual total U.S. labor force is really about 152 million. If everyone working were paid the same (and I’m not advocating that--I'd prefer sensible, progressive, non-trickle-down tax reform), we’d all make about $110,000 per year, per worker. Most couples would make $220,000. Not a bad income. Instead, the richest 1% of the American population owns 35% of the country's total wealth. The bottom 80% own 15%.

Today I donated to The Other 98%, which works to address income inequality in America.

Make a pledge. 

*Actual pooping times may vary. For easy calculation, divide outcomes above by 2 for a 4 minute poop; by 2 again for a 2 minute pooping average.

To see beyond yourself

Day 16: I prove I am not pure evil/deliver 83 lbs of salad